Monday, July 27, 2009

Bah Bahhh

Ba bahhh, this is the sound of setllingggg

Whoops, wrong song..



So. I'm sitting here today and something horribly shocking came across me...

I felt like I had misplaced a lot of what I had known to be true. I thought that a lot of what I stood for had come to feel insignificant, meaningless, intangible, inconsequential.

One of the people I hold most dear to me made me seem like I was extra weight - as if I wasn't a significant part of their life in any way, shape or form.


Now - I'd like to think that I choose my friends wisely, as I have, what seems to be, limited time - and feel I carefully select whom I choose to spend that time with. And to have someone make me feel this way, led me to reflect that much more on myself - it made me really reconsider how I view my relationships with the people I think are most dear to me.

What was said, paraphrased, "Maybe it's because you really annoy [me]" {whose sarcasm obviously gets lost in transcription] - and that little part at the end there - that's the really worry-some part...


'In all jest - there lies some truth' - Me.

Or at least, I thought I came up with it; who coined that? And for that matter - what does it really mean to coin a phrase? Can we ever own a phrase? Or land, to really provoke these kinds of ideas...?

But back to my point - 'In all jest - there lies some truth' - I'm a firm believer in this. I hold this to be one of the very last truths we may ever see on this planet; in this world where nearly everything has gotten so abundantly fake. Now, that isn't to say that everything we say in jest we mean, but it is to say that in what each one of us says, there lies some small shred of truth. Some small place in our mind that we've gone to - maybe shamefully, maybe appealingly. Some place that we've actually taken the cognitive effort to create this far-, or maybe not so far-fetched scenario; and gone so far as to even bring that thought out of our subconscious and lay it out so that someone else might enjoy it; or benefit from it. Or perhaps we use sarcasm to poke fun at things we think ought change but are too scared for whatever reason to say them outright. So we say these things with a little bit of light-heartedness, with an undertone that we're only just jokingggg...... We're just... playing aroundd.

Kinda.

But the truth of the matter is - that we don't have the nerve to come out and say these things. So we make light of it, like we do nearly every other problem we don't want to come outright and deal with blatantly.

And then we let it sit,


and sit




and sit...

Until finally one day it rears its ugly head at us and our relationship that you just can't take it anymore! And you want to just scream! And it makes you angryyy! And all you want to do is tell this person all the things you wish you had said earlier but come recklessly pouring out of your mouth in one fell swoop (I thought I used the wrong word there too).

This is that time.

My obvious, or maybe not so obvious conclusion to all of this, is that we don't mean what we say a lot of times these days. We spit things out in such a falsely-rushed fashion that we don't really come to a full understanding of the connotation which our chosen sentence represents. We often throw words around carelessly - from something as small as joking about the dish we forgot we left out, 'you do this every time' -- to things as big and significant as, 'I love you' - we sometimes choose to exagggggggerate our words.



I mean everything I say.

I choose my words carefully and deliberately.

And I try to convey messages that can't be misconstrued.




I try to live without generalizing - because I think it makes us immune. I think it makes us immune to those minor details around us that make life so spectacular. It turns everyday life into something boring, and makes us yearn for what we don't have.

Where did all of this generalizing come from? What led us to this point? When did seriocity (I can't figure out how to spell that - so if it's not a word I'm adding it to 'my words' I'll one day submit to Merriam-Webster; along with alotalot [whose meaning should be fairly obvious], amn't [the contraction for am not], and perhaps seriocity [though I'm sure I've heard it before]) -- When did seriocity become unfashionable, or boring, or unimportant? And what kind of example are we setting for those behind us; those that hear our stories and take us at our word?

Probably at the same time we stopped reading.

My guess is our infatuation with cinema - with the moving pictures, and the bright lights, and the false, empty promises.

Exaggerating everything (yes, I understand the irony behind that) gives those around us a sense of mistrust. It makes us not believe entirely everything you're saying and then make it something we take for granted. Which really only exacerbates things, as it can quickly lead to disregarding much of what is said. Because we've placed so much trust and love in you that we tryy and take you for your word on everything.



It breaks my heart. I've often thought of you as someone that I'd spend the rest of my life at least knowing - but if you can't realize that I actually listen to everything you have to say; that you mean that much to me to where I try and stop what I'm doing whenever you're talking or around - well then I don't know if I wantt to have this.

You probably won't even read this. And it's not for you that I'm doing it. It's for me. Because I'm tired of longing for something I don't have. And I'm tired of overlooking. I'm fed up with feeling like I'm not being fully listened to, and in all actuality, probably not being fully listened to. I love you.

But I guess maybe what they say is right - if you love someone enough, you have to let them go....


Or at least loosen your grip ;-)

Monday, July 13, 2009

Shared Items

I just added a new widget on the right for some "money" articles (earning that title by the default color associated with it) that I've come across while ritually accessing my Google Reader and it's more than approximately 45 sources it so dutifully collects from on the spot...

I share my favorites, and sort through all the other stuff so you don't have to. If you find something you like - subscribe to their blogs; or keep reading mine ;-) It's easy to do, and if you have a Google account - even easier.

I was inspired to add my shared articles to my blog today after a very well written post by a very good friend, Keith Bradbury. He talks about how different competition climbing is and has a very good tone of voice. I shared it to the right, but you can also access it by clicking on his name, just above.

I empathize with him fully - and after this past June, having qualified for the US team and not climbing to my potential, empathize yet again. It seems like I just can't perform 100% then and there. And one hypothesis that has arisen out of this, answers the question of what makes a good competition climber? And I suspect that part of what needs to be there is an ego. Not a hubris of which could ultimately be a downfall, but perhaps some mixture of cockiness and level-headedness - because, as they have said: If you can't visualize it, you can't do it. Could climbing really be all that mental? Do things really boil down to what we believe is possible? Oh the questions I have...

But until I get my answers, I'll let Uncle Somebody guide the way...

"Practice makes perfect. Or perhaps it should be that an infinite amount of practice makes perfect, but since we are finite we can only ever strive for perfection, which is what I’m trying to do"

About a week left to practice, practice, practice... and maybe try on a big head.

Friday, July 3, 2009

Semantics

Isn't it funny how we, generally speaking, convince ourselves that certain courses of action or decisions are in our best judgment simply by manipulating the words we use? We try and tell ourselves that it's "a traffic accident" - negativvve, someone wasn't paying the undivided attention required of driving and there was a collision.

One of my favorite quotes of all time,
"... while the truncheon may be used in lieu of conversation, words will always retain their power. Words offer the means to meaning, and for those who will listen, the enunciation of truth." - (See if you can guess what that's from)

Our diction determines not only our tone of voice, but the actual definition of what we say sentence to sentence. Listen to what you're saying - you'll find out that a lot of what comes out makes little or no sense at all...

And don't even get me started on exaggeration.......

And from the master of changing words to suit an agenda......
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